One-O-Three-A
by silkplants
Summary: Arthur can't seem to get over Alfred after their months-long breakup, so he agrees to go to extremities to move on. Pick the right bachelor, though, and he won't have to move on at all. Usuk, Omegaverse. Parody of The Dating Game.


"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to One-O-Three-A!"

Arthur fidgeted in the shadows as peppy music overwhelmed the room. He was standing on a stage, his scent spiked with nerves as he pulled on his sweater. He wrung his hands together as bright lights flicked on, causing him to squint as the music swelled. He was the newest person to appear onto the dating show One-O-Three-A, where he would ask questions to three anonymous Alphas and choose to date the one he liked best.

This hadn't been his idea, but, his beta friend Francis was tired of him always moping about after a bad date, so he'd taken things to extremities. Nothing seemed to work out after his big breakup with Alfred, and Francis was sick of his self-pity. Arthur shook his head, bringing himself back to reality so he could focus. The host of the show approached him then, a beta with an artificial calming scent. He held out a hand, Arthur taking it after a moment of hesitation.

The beta host took a breath, and then waved enthusiastically at the studio audience.

"Welcome back, welcome," The host repeated as the audience's applause gradually faded out. "Now, we've already introduced our bachelors, but, our cute little omega here hasn't got a clue who they are. Now, to introduce him to our alphas-" The music track changed, and the host held up his microphone. A pink spotlight shone over Arthur.

"This is Arthur Kirkland, a twenty-two year old omega who's an upcoming author in the romance genre. He enjoys making handmade sweaters in his free time and selling them on his online store. And, he can't stand fast food. A round of applause for Arthur!" The studio audience clapped again, and the host led Arthur to an armchair.

"Now, there are three eligible alphas on the other side of that white wall. There's a pile of cards to your left, they have questions on them. Just read them to an alpha of your choice, and at the end of the show, pick the best of the bunch." The host laughed. "None of the questions will pertain to the alpha's appearance, name, or occupation."

Arthur gave a slight nod, leaning back. He tried to act casual, but his scent gave away his cautious demeanor. He heard someone clear their throat.

"Well, hey there, Arthur." A higher-pitched voice called. The accent was decidedly German, or at least something similar, and the alpha chuckled. "Cute name! I know you're gonna pick me, by the end of this show you'll think I'm the most amazing, awesome alpha you've ever met."

"Right," Arthur replied, voice dry as he rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. Bachelor number two?"

"Ah. Yes." A second voice replied, with an almost unsettling calmness. Arthur could detect an almost wild scent as the second bachelor spoke, as if he was always holding himself back. "It's very nice to meet you, Arthur."

"...It's nice to meet you too." He replied, slowly. "I'm excited to get to know you, I hope you feel the same way."

A hum of agreement came from bachelor number two, and all was quiet for a while. Arthur briefly wondered if the third alpha was going to say anything, but then he heard an 'Oh! right!'. Another scent spiked with nerves, and Arthur assumed the smell belonged to the third bachelor. It was hard to smell anything past the alpha's unease.

"Hi Arthur! U-um, you sound super cute..!"

The voice was quite American, and sort of familiar. But, his voice was higher pitched due to nerves, and before Arthur could respond, the host took the stage again.

"Alright! Now that Arthur here has met everyone, we're ready to hear some questions! Go ahead and read the first one, Hun."

Arthur's scent darkened at the nickname, and he gave the host a look. Then he sighed, and took the pile of cards. The first question was unassuming enough, and he read it without hesitation, deciding to direct it towards bachelor number two.

"Right, then, bachelor two, what's your favorite color and why?"

The second Alpha was silent a moment before responding. "Yellow. It's very bright."

"That's nice." Arthur responding, giving a small, genuine smile. "I must say I prefer blue, it reminds me of the ocean and I love to go sailing-" The bachelor's scent shifted into one of disapproval.

"The ocean has always seemed lonely to me."

"...Oh."

So, he and bachelor number two hadn't started on a good note. They already seemed to disagree on one of Arthur's personal favorite pastimes, which he felt was a shame.

However, it was the third contestant's scent that intrigued him the most. He seemed on edge, but somehow comforting. He could detect a small level of attraction that spiked a bit when Arthur spoke. It was sort of endearing, oddly enough. The host prompted him to read another question, and he quickly picked another card.

"Oh, okay then..bachelor number three-" The nervous scent spiked, and he could hear someone shuffling in their seat.

"This question is a bit out of the ordinary, but, if you could only bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be?"

"Um, uh...you?" The alpha replied, stumbling over his words. "Ha, if you're not like, down for that, I guess I'd take like, a boat or something, because then I could just leave...? Yeah.. I'd bring you back some kinda pretty flower or something though, promise...!"

Arthur smiled, and then he laughed, just a little. "A practical choice, anyway." He detected a small burst of pride, and he assumed it was because the contestant had made him laugh. He seemed shy, but he was charming in his own way. It was sort of cute, which was a word Arthur didn't often associate with alphas. At least, not with just any alpha.

After displaying a small, charmed smile, he picked up a new card, and the questions continued. There was a countdown clock on the wall, for the purpose of letting Arthur know how much time he had left to ask questions. The bachelors couldn't see the clock from their vantage point, so that they wouldn't hurry.

"Bachelor number one, if I were talented in a type of sport, what sport would you hope it was?"

The bachelor laughed, his scent giving a burst of confidence. "Gymnastics, 'cause, you'd be really flexible then. Bet you could do anything."

Arthur rolled his eyes and shook his head, placing the card down. "Well, then." He couldn't tell if the others would detect his annoyance, but he mentally scratched bachelor one off the list. It got under his skin when people spoke to him that way, whether they were joking or not. He'd only let one man in his life talk to him that way, and that hadn't worked out. Arthur was trying not to let history repeat itself.

He glanced at the countdown clock, which indicated that he had a little less than ten minutes. The questions continued, though Arthur was now leaning towards the third bachelor, so he got more questions than the others.

"So what's something you wouldn't want a date to know about you?"

The alpha coughed, taking a moment to think about it.

"I guess there's like..this old flame I never got over. Well, I mean, not _old_ old, like, a few months now..? But, yeah, we lived together and everything." He breathed a sigh.

Arthur sat up, now more alert, but a bit confused as well. He certainly related to the third contestant, but for a moment the bachelor's scent went from nerves to sadness, and it made him feel anxious. He instinctively wanted to make him feel better, which was odd. He didn't ever feel that way towards strangers. "Then..why are you here? If you still miss them so much?"

"Well, I, I haven't seen anyone since him, so, maybe I could move on with someone else..?"

"Mm. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to ahead and direct this question towards you as well." He held up a card. "Who do you think I'm going to choose? Honestly."

"Um, well I, I want you to pick me, which I guess is obvious. But you'll probably pick bachelor two here. He seems lots more mature, and, that's what you wanted, right? That's what you said before-"

"What?"

The clock counted down to zero before the alpha could answer, and Arthur got to his feet as the host came over.

"Okay then, Arthur, do you need a minute to decide..?"

He'd already made up his mind. "No. Thank you, but no. I'd like to go out with bachelor three." He crossed his arms, sighing.

The host brought out the other two first, Arthur barely registering their names as Gilbert and Ivan. He tapped his foot a bit impatiently as the host made a big show of introducing the third bachelor. But Arthur already knew who it was.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Alfred Jones!" A familiar face turned the corner, rubbing his arm with a shy smile. The nerves were still there, but Arthur could detect Alfred's strong scent of apples, cinnamon and sawdust, the same scent that was on the hoodies he'd kept.

Arthur's expression softened. He walked over, hurrying and hugging him. He hid his face in his chest. Arthur sniffed, feeling Alfred's arms move behind him and wrap him into a comforting hug.

"Hey, hey, it's okay Art.." Alfred brushed a hand through his hair, giving a small, relieved laugh. "I missed you too."

Arthur hiccuped, and he turned his head to look up at him. He smiled in return. "But what about your old flame? Over them?"

Alfred laughed, the loud, slightly immature laugh Arthur hadn't realized he missed so much. "Sort of...but also not really?"

The host of the show cleared his throat, placing a hand on Alfred's shoulder. "I'm afraid we're out of time," he spoke, raising his voice a little to get his point across as he motioned for them to move offstage. "There's a lounge for you two to get to know each other, but I guess you don't need it.."

Arthur chuckled, and then he stepped back. Alfred wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him snugly to his side. Arthur beamed, breathing deeply and setting his head on his shoulder. They walked off together, huddled close.

Arthur made a silent note to thank Francis.


End file.
